No sex in the champagne room, any room, or well, unless you want it.

27 11 2009

Let me just start out by saying, I love my boyfriend. Haha!
Ohhh, where do I begin?

When we started dating, we had sex a lot, like every time we saw each other. Which is expected when starting a new relationship. I mean, you do it a lot. Or so I think, from my experience, which isn’t much. About a year ago it started to slow down to a couple times a week or less. He told me it was because of stress, work and school and promised it had nothing to do with me and it would get better after the semester ended. Well it didn’t or hasn’t if not worse. We have talked about this a couple of times. And now he says it’s because I put too much pressure on him and he thinks about it too much so it makes him not in the mood.. hmmm ok whatever, I stopped bringing it up so much and nothing has changed. I can narrow it down to a few reasons why… from my point of view, because I am a woman, I have to try and figure it out or I’ll just blame myself and dig a deeper hole into my self-consciousness. So 1) It could be because we see each other so much. I mean I practically live with him now. Maybe he just doesn’t get as excited to see me like he used to. But he slaps my butt and grabs my boobs all day long so he’s building up the “I want you” feeling to me just not following through. 2) Maybe he really doesn’t get turned on by me just being me anymore. I have gained some weight, so I’m not as “hott” as I used to be, I know, I can feel it. But Im working on it… 3) He could be like my ex and just wack it every morning, so he’s not in the mood for the rest of the day. Sometimes porn is cool but most of the time I feel like its the “other woman” and I have to fight for his attention (or boner) haha, with it. “No I want to have sex with you now, so when I leave you won’t head straight to the computer and look up naked chicks and fantasize about them.” (The other women) I guess thats the difference between us, men and women, or just me. When I fantasize, I think about my boyfriend. I don’t feel the need, plus its too much work to think about other guys, my boyfriend is sexy enough to get the job done. Call me lame, idc. I don’t need some Dreamy Romantic Boylike guy to get my off, when I have my Hairy, Burping, Farting, Manlike boyfriend in my mind. Haha. So anyway, these are the excuses in my head I use for him to not bang me like he should. Oh I also get, “well Im an old man now, my prime was in my early 20’s” Nothing burns my butt like a statement like that. It’s like saying, “Sorry my ex was hotter and way better in bed than you, so we did it more.” If you like me more that her like you say… Then how is it fair that she gets you in your so-called prime. Make your prime NOW. Plus thanks to our late night chats last Feb/March 2008. I always have this in my head…”Yea if me and my ex didnt have sex for a week, we’d make up for it by doing it twice in one day.” Or something like that. Yeahhhhhhhhh, haven’t forgotten that one! 😦   That probably is one of the harsher stings I always have in my mind when he turns me down. Theres nothing more painful than comparing yourself to your boyfriends ex girlfriend. especially when she wins. I used to do that a lot but not so much anymore. Thank God. Its something I cannot control but I know fades with time.  
At night, sometimes I get so upset at this situation I feel like it can be a relationship breaker. I love him, but I am a passionate person, or at least I want to be. But when I kiss you and you kiss back but in a way that makes me feel like you’re doing it for me, not you, it makes me feel soooooo….. disappointed and let down. I guess he just doesn’t take me serous or I haven’t made my point hard enough. But when I bring it up over and over again I feel like Im annoying and I even get sick of hearing it. But when I wake up in the morning I forget all about it until we reach the bed again. Where I lay disappointed and tearing myself apart on all the things I’ve done wrong, what could be wrong, or wishing I wasn’t the way I am and didn’t care. But I do. And I don’t really want to change it.

It’s not that I want sex all the time. I just want to feel some sort of passion… grab my butt and kiss me when we lay down in bed… something like that. Is that so hard to ask for?




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