What is wrong with me?

29 11 2009

I am in a bad mood. This has been happening a lot to me. I guess it started off with the fact that I live a very boring life. I have no job or money. So I can’t go do anything. Leaving the house means using gas and gas costs money. If I go anywhere, where do I go? Out to eat=$ Shopping=$. I have lame friends. The only one I care to hang out with lives 45 minutes away. With my other friends… Thier idea of hanging out is sitting around the house. And I do that enough by myself.
Borders didn’t call me back as promised. Which makes me a ultra loser. Who can’t even get a job during the holiday season?… /Points to me!
Cotton Plus did call me finally today though. I didn’t call them back because in the message she left she said it was only seasonal. That’s what I need, another temp job to add the the 5 I already have on my resume. I wanted to wait and see if I heard anything from Borders first.
Anyways. Back to why else I’m in a bad mood. The fact that my boyfriend gets out at a decent time tonight and we go get pizza. His mom calls freaking out because they messed up the bricks we painted last night at the church. Blah. So we have to go up there and fix it. So much for doing something mildly fun tonight. We get back to the house around 7:30 and all he wants to do is sleep. W/e so we take a nap. Wake up at like 11 and have sex for 2 minutes then he’s tired again. Are you kidding me! You worked a 6 1/2 hour shift today!! It wasn’t like you had to get up early either. So were laying there after and all I ask was for a back rub. He said no. Well what a satisfying night for me. No fun, no orgasm, no back rubins. What am I going to do? So now I’m having to sleep in the spare room because when I got up to watch tv Emmett decided he would be taking my place in bed and I would have no room to sleep in there. This has been one of the worst years in my life. I have accomplished nothing. In fact I think I’m worse off than last year. I’m 23 now. Things should be coming together. I should be engaged or almost there. I should have a steady job even if it’s just part time somewhere. It’s definatly different than what I had planned. I mean. I’m a good person, why can’t I get something in return once in a while. Maybe I should become a whore and sleep around, drink myself into a comma every other night and take up smoking. Then maybe someone will hire me. Dang. I couldn’t create a naked website for myself anymore. No one would want me see me. I hope the world doesn’t end in 2012. I wouldn’t have much to show for myself.
I need my own place so badly. I need a place to call home. Where all of my clothes and stuff is. Where I wouldn’t have to worry about smelling like smoke, and I can walk around naked. I want to be able to invite my lame friends over, and to have a living room!!! And a place for my bed and where I won’t have to worry about Emmett destroying anything. Where I can paint my walls green and orange and blue. Where I can put up posters and my photography. Where I can have sex on the couch, floor, counter. That is if I’d ever get any. A place where I can put my dishes in the dishwasher and get groceries. And play rockband. In my living room. With my friends. That. Would make me happy.

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